In January of 2016 I noticed this book by Dr. Edgar Levenson resting comfortably on the bottom shelf of an end table. It was not my end table. The book next to it caught my eye first, “Pimp: The Story of My Life” by Iceberg Slim. The existence of both pieces of literature on the same end table was marvelous. Such a stark difference of purpose, entirely different target audience, but (originally) published within 3 years of each other. I had the thought “oh major cool points” pertaining to the owner of both books. 4 years later I have finished reading “The Fallacy of Understanding, The Ambiguity of Change”. I picked it up, put it down. Took some notes, referenced it pertaining to my private practice. Lost the book. Found it. Read through a chapter in a day. Forgot its existence. This played out over and over again until this past week, in which I had a moving visit with my nieces. We talked about Haitian deities, Peppa Pig and Kamala Harris while coloring & painting. My eldest niece took a break to nap and in entered my youngest niece’s imaginary friend, who decided that it was best for us to pivot towards playing Leggo’s for 20 minutes, mixed in with my crystals. We built a mini village of pyramids. Now I can attempt to state the general context of it all and it still would not fully grasp the interaction. In fact, despite my gift of gab the experience that I shared with her is ineffable in such a way that even attempting to explain it soils the true essence of the interaction. She essentially attempted to persuade me that we were having a grand experience jointly due to her older sister’s nap and the included company of her imaginary friend who preferred Leggo’s over coloring.
I’m her favorite aunt, or so she likes to gas me up with that beautiful compliment, and I enjoy being gassed up so the dynamic works. She dismantled our mini pyramid village by stepping on our creation, gave me a big kiss, a bear hug then directed her imaginary friend to take my Mexican agate stone away from me since I didn’t know how to share, as she exited the room to join her sister’s nap time. Right before turning the corner, she asked me “am I your favorite niece aunty”? I was stuck on the destruction of our beautiful pyramid village with bridges, roads and crystals. Why was I so emotionally invested in keeping our mini pyramid village standing when clearly, like clockwork, every time we played this game she dismantled it at the end? How did I fall for this every time?! I associated to a passage in the book, remembering it surprised me and in that surprise I decided to finally finish reading the book to completion:
“Fidelity requires that one ask, ‘how can I manage to function successfully or happily in this society?"‘ The new question may well become, ‘why should I function successfully or happily in this society?’ What is questioned is the organization, the greater social structure in which one is immersed.”
This text by Dr. Levenson is one of those reviving pieces of literature that I’d recommend to individuals with a deep curiosity towards how we come to consider ourselves understanding the experience of another. I’m talking about genuine curiosity that tends to open up bizarre questions that can incite frustration as easily as creating empathetic attunement. I’m a big fan of working psychoanalytically, which has cued raised eyebrows my way due to psychoanalysis’s long history of oppressive archaic ways of thinking and being, specifically as it pertains to sexual orientation, race and gender. I get it….. yet I have yet to be exposed to any mental health modality that is not originally developed from an oppressive lens. Think about that for a second, and I invite you to fact check what I’ve just asserted. Insert practicing through an anti-oppressive lens through a decolonized framework. I like being able to think about thinking. And I love being able to consider the various meanings behind the most simplistic details. My niece asking me if she’s my favorite didn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s a game we play, in which she is always the winner - as is her older sister. “Of course you are my favorite, and so are you!” is the answer they get while both together. One on one, the answer doesn’t change. They are both my favorite and the meaning of ‘favorite’ changes constantly.
“The Fallacy of Understanding, The Ambiguity of Change” had me ground myself in working slower and feeling comfortable at that pace whether it’s with an adult 4x’s/week or a child for a 60 minute session. I also truly enjoyed the clinical examples in the text that highlighted cultural difference and the various meanings that can come about through perspectivism. It comes at no shock that the person who exposed me to this book, by owning it, also exposed me to psychoanalysis.
“Two snaps and a twist”!
